I wonder if people know how to love. If they can't love, where did they learn to not love?
What makes you LOVE? Who taught you to love? Who gave you the security to put you heart out there and love other people?
Love is a decision.
First, we choose not to love when we say we can't love. Love takes effort and continual fighting for.
Falling in Love usually includes a denominator of sexual passion. This is a kind of love, but not the kind that we should continue. (The Road Less Traveled.) But, let's admit it, passion is a plus.
Then there is the love that comes when we have kids. This is the kind most people think comes naturally, but if we haven't learned to love, the kids can really end up screwed up!
Then adopting. Some people know they can't ever adopt because they just wouldn't love the child the same as their own. (not my words). I have heard it said before this way, "if my house was burning I would grab my own kids first, then the others." TERRIBLE.
Then kids learn to love their parents and siblings from watching their parents. Hopefully, parents do not teach their kids to love conditionally.
Then men have to learn to love their mom's and let them go to love their wife. Some boys have a hard time doing this. We can blame the mom's for this.
OR vise versa, every woman is not as mean as their moms. The boys have to learn to let their guard down and love a girl fully.
Then the daughters have to learn that every guy is not as nice as their dads. So they leave the house and are naive.
OR Vise versa, every guy is not as mean as their dad. The daughters keep a guard up and do not love fully.
Then there are the cat people and the dog people. They use their pets to replace a significant other because they will never be rejected.
Bottom line, don't live in fear. Bust a move. Quit being so selfish and ego-centric. Who cares if you get hurt? Get back up and love again.
I got married when I was 17 years old. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I came from a "broken home". I lived with my mom and from 6th grade on. I also thought that my dad was a horrible person. I didn't trust people and thought that all boys were 'out for one thing'. I was also told by Donahue and Oprah that I would marry someone just like my dad unconsciously. That was the last thing I wanted. I had seen Forest Gump, and the only nice man that I saw was handicapped. So, I got pregnant soon after I turned 17. I just plunged into marriage and hoped for the best. I knew he was a nice guy. He supported me in my dreams. He took care of my little family and loved my new baby. He told me every morning as he left for work, "I love you." I would pretend I was asleep sometimes. Other times I said it back. But he kept saying it, every morning. He would get on my nerves sometimes. I would tell him everything he was doing wrong and he never told me anything I did wrong. He worked. I stayed home with the kids and quit school. I just kept truckin'. I thought I wanted to divorce him when we had a rough year. I made plans and soon the rough patch healed. We made it through the good and the bad. He didn't judge me when I was losing my mind and I let it go when he had a bad day at work. He helped me at home with the kids and I helped him stay on the straight and narrow. When I struggled he held me up, and when he struggled I held him up. Then 20 years passed. I woke up one morning realized, This guy really does love me. He has stayed with me this long, put up with my chaos and always showed his devotion to me. Then guilt swept over me. I hadn't always let him know how much I appreciated everything he had done. Although he wasn't the romantic kind, he had always been there. That was much more than adorning me with riches.
I thought of how every older woman had gotten under my skin by letting me know that a man is one that is romantic, or that he remembers your anniversary. But that wasn't my man. He was simple and unconditional in his love. He loved me with my unshaven legs and feisty mouth. And I loved him when he sat and watched TV for hours. It was hard with little kids. Somedays I felt like I held everyone together. I cleaned up the puke, called the insurance company to appeal unpaid bills, paid the speeding ticket, then made dinner and did the dishes. Some days are like that. But, I do think that finding someone to do all that stuff with matters. When it is all said and done I look back and say, we have made it that far.
Looking at the "adulting" that people hate now, It does suck. I remember thinking that adults had it all. But when I got to that plateau of adulting, I realized that adults can really suck. They can be self absorbed, alcoholics, beating, cheater Sons of Bitches. But Adults can be good. I sometimes look at old people and wonder how they made it through. The same way we have over the last thousands of years, getting back up and trying again. It sucks. My grandma died eating a Snickers everyday, but she had lived and survived. She deserved that Snickers everyday. But I also think that we have to be NICE as we do it. And if we can remember that, it can be GREAT.
