I have recently moved to Utah. Capitol of Mormons. That is not any big deal if you are one, but according to some people if you aren't a Mormon, you will be ostracized. Another term I will use here is Use-ta-bees. I can not tell you how many people I meet that will say, "I use-ta-be a Mormon."
Case #1
My neighbor that is not a Mormon, who is really nice, crosses the street to tell me:
"You are so lucky. I watch you talk to all the neighbors and you already have friend. I am really jealous of you. When I moved here it took so long to have what you have in just a week."
"Really?"
"I wasn't a Mormon, and so it just wasn't like that for me. You are really lucky."
"Well, that isn't how it is suppose to be. I am sorry."
"oh no, It's great now. It was just so bad then. I had my two little girls and they never had anything to do with me and I stayed home just like them."
"Well, I hope things are better now!"
"Oh, it's different now. My kids are grown. But it woulda been nice to have had friends when they were young. But, (points to a Mormon house) She is great. She is great and this is just a wonderful neighborhood."
Case #2
This is a young man. He tells me he works at BYU, contracted.
Me: "oh, what is it like working at BYU?"
Young Man: "Oh, it's different. Everyone is Mormon."
Me: "ohhhh, yeah. That is one reason I was nervous about moving here."
Young man: "yeah, if your not one of them, you'll never fit in."
Me: "I'm Mormon. I have always heard about the "Utah Mormons" but so far so good. Everyone seems not as bad as I expected.
Young Man: "Yeah, I use-to-be one. They never accepted me."
Me: "That isn't how it is suppose to be?"
Young man: "Ohhhh...they let you know if your not one of them."
He really shut down after I told him I was Mormon. The conversation died off real quick.
Case #3
I am in Costco. I am with my 4 year old daughter and we purchase a piece of pizza. When we go to find a seat there are none available. So, I see a man sitting alone and ask if we may sit there. He gladly says that is fine. He is in his sixties, black leather jacket and appears half way normal (whatever)
Man: "I have been watching those twins. They are somethin' else."
He smiles at my daughter.
Me: "So are you going somewhere for Thanksgiving?" (It is the week of Thanksgiving.)
Man: "No. I have kids but they are all busy. How about you?"
Me: "We just moved here and are happy to finally be able to go to family's house for a Holiday."
Man: "Oh, where'd you move from?"
Me: "New Jersey."
Man: "Oh, I could tell you're not from around here. Because any other woman never would have sat by a man. Not a woman from Utah!"
Me: "Really?"
Man: "Oh, yeah. They are really strange here. They don't talk to men. There are a lot of Mormons here."
Me: "Oh, yeah. I have heard about the Mormons...."
Man: "Yeah, I use-ta-be one. You see the SUV with the sticker of all their kids...yeah that is how many kids they have. They are encouraged to have a lot of kids."
Me: "Oooohhhhh.....I have seen that. Its that right?"
Come to find out he doesn't talk to his kids any more. That is why he didn't have anywhere to go for the holiday. I don't know his whole story, but he seemed very down. He thought that Mormons were weird and different and he never knew that he was talking to a Mormon the whole time. Why didn't I tell him? Because I had met others that said, "I use-ta-be one" and they stopped talking. I wanted to see what the whole story was.
(on a side note to go with this one. My son started HS and on the first day he was sitting with a group of kids that were not Mormon and they said, "the Mormon girls won't talk to you unless your Mormon." It was matter of fact.)
Case #4
I met someone through my husband. She was really nice and just moved her from Vegas. She was fun to talk to and easily carried on a conversation. Then it turned to this: She has a friend that is not Mormon. Her friend moved to Spanish Fork, Utah and her kids were ostracized for not being Mormon. She then moved to American Fork, Utah and it isn't much different.
Girl: "Yeah, the Mormon men are traditional...they expect the woman to stay in the kitchen."
Me: (I had complained to her about my husband, so I really may have built her argument.) "Really...?"
Girl: "Yeah, they expect the woman to do everything. My friends husband just sits on the couch while she serves him. And (so and so) well...his wife rubs his feet when he gets home from work!"
Me: "Wow. Well, I guess I haven't said too much that can argue with that!" (BTW, I do not rub my husbands feet.)
Case #5
I went to get my massage, facial and manicure...that my son bought for me! The woman that did my nails was fun to talk to. She asked me what my son was doing after high school.
Me: "He'll go on a mission. Are you LDS (a Latter Day Saint/ Mormon)?"
Her: "Well...I use-ta-be one...I really don't go anymore. I married a non member."
Me: "Oh...why are there so many people is Utah that Use to be a Mormon?"
Her: Laugh "There are...I don't know? I just try to not be friends with any of them. I mean, I'll go once in a while. It's not bad. They just really are different?"
Me: "Yeah, the school here are a lot more clickish than other schools my kids have been to."
Her: "They shouldn't have a problem fitting in because they are Mormon." (insinuated that if they weren't they would have a problem.)
Me: "Not really. She actually doesn't hang out with any Mormons at school. She prefers the non-mormons."
Not that we don't go. I really have a strong testimony of the things they teach and the programs are
wonderful for the kids. There is nothing negative taught. I am suprised thought. Utah Mormons are a
lot more normal that I thought. (I mean it could have looked like FLDS! Nah, they have been great
so far. The only thing I hate is when you meet someone that is not LDS, they think you are trying to
convert them if you say HI!)
Her: "I joined when I was a kid. My neighbor use to take me to church all the time. My parent smoked and
drank. That was why I joined. But now my husband isn't a member sooo... we just don't go."
We had a great open and honest conversation. I go back to get my toes done in a couple of weeks!
Case #6
I am at the Chiropractors office in a massage chair room. Three women. One in her twenties. One in her forties. and ME.
Between Me and Woman #2
-We moved her not to long ago."
-where from?
-NJ
-Do you like it?
-Surprisingly, yes.
-well, if you don't like it at your two year mark, get out!
-yeah, okay.
-you won't have a problem as long as your Mormon
-yeah, is it that bad. I mean we are Mormon, but I still think the school are clicky. My daughter doesn't want to be friends with some groups that are stuck up and mostly Mormon.
-Oh yeah, it is that bad. My daughters have been bullied out of two schools. I'll tell ya, I'd move if I could but we've been here so long. I use to have lots of Mormon friend, then as soon as they heard lies about my daughters they just quite talking to me, just like that. And we had been friends forever and they always said, "no we wouldn't do that to you, we will always be your friend.." and then just like that. They won't even say hi to me.
Woman #1 chimes in:
- I am Mormon too. But the Utah Mormons are different. I am what you call a Minnesota Mormon. I imagine you (me) are a normal Mormon too because your from New Jersey. They are different.
Me: "I agree that there is that stereotypical Utah Mormon, but I would have to say my whole nieghborhood that is 50/50 is really great. Everyone is really nice.
( I am sure woman #2 is thinking : sure...because your Mormon.)
Look, there are a variety of people everywhere. But because you are a Mormon, you are expected to be nice. If you aren't it isn't because you had a bad day, or your still in your robe. It is because you are Mormon that you are not nice)
Case #7
This took place at my husband workplace. There are lots of Mormons and non-Mormon. Frankly, he has never worked with so many Mormons, so church conversation comes up more than usual. He and another Mormon were talking with a woman that was not a Mormon.
Woman: "Yeah, you Mormons tried to convert me the day I moved in!"
My Husbad: "What don't convert you mean?"
Other man: "Yeah?"
Woman: "They came over and helped me move in and we're all friendly."
My husband and other man: "So they were nice?" Doesn't mean they were converting you.
BTW: If a Mormon really wanted to convert you they would invite you over for dinner and have the missionaries over or simply hand you a Book of Mormon. I really do not know the type that try to convert a person the day they move in.
If your too nice, and your Mormon...then you are trying to convert them. If you are not nice enough, then you are ostracizing them. It sounds like a catch 22.
BTW Mormon's really aren't that bad. If you want to understand them more visit www.lds.org, or http://mormon.org/people
So, What do you think?
Why are there so many use-ta-bees?
Take note, Catholics just say I was raised catholic but I don't go? Everyone in Utah says, I use-to-be one?
And, are the younger Mormons in High School so snobby they bully kids?
I understand there are two sides to every story. Come on, tell my your story...
Case #1
My neighbor that is not a Mormon, who is really nice, crosses the street to tell me:
"You are so lucky. I watch you talk to all the neighbors and you already have friend. I am really jealous of you. When I moved here it took so long to have what you have in just a week."
"Really?"
"I wasn't a Mormon, and so it just wasn't like that for me. You are really lucky."
"Well, that isn't how it is suppose to be. I am sorry."
"oh no, It's great now. It was just so bad then. I had my two little girls and they never had anything to do with me and I stayed home just like them."
"Well, I hope things are better now!"
"Oh, it's different now. My kids are grown. But it woulda been nice to have had friends when they were young. But, (points to a Mormon house) She is great. She is great and this is just a wonderful neighborhood."
Case #2
This is a young man. He tells me he works at BYU, contracted.
Me: "oh, what is it like working at BYU?"
Young Man: "Oh, it's different. Everyone is Mormon."
Me: "ohhhh, yeah. That is one reason I was nervous about moving here."
Young man: "yeah, if your not one of them, you'll never fit in."
Me: "I'm Mormon. I have always heard about the "Utah Mormons" but so far so good. Everyone seems not as bad as I expected.
Young Man: "Yeah, I use-to-be one. They never accepted me."
Me: "That isn't how it is suppose to be?"
Young man: "Ohhhh...they let you know if your not one of them."
He really shut down after I told him I was Mormon. The conversation died off real quick.
Case #3
I am in Costco. I am with my 4 year old daughter and we purchase a piece of pizza. When we go to find a seat there are none available. So, I see a man sitting alone and ask if we may sit there. He gladly says that is fine. He is in his sixties, black leather jacket and appears half way normal (whatever)
Man: "I have been watching those twins. They are somethin' else."
He smiles at my daughter.
Me: "So are you going somewhere for Thanksgiving?" (It is the week of Thanksgiving.)
Man: "No. I have kids but they are all busy. How about you?"
Me: "We just moved here and are happy to finally be able to go to family's house for a Holiday."
Man: "Oh, where'd you move from?"
Me: "New Jersey."
Man: "Oh, I could tell you're not from around here. Because any other woman never would have sat by a man. Not a woman from Utah!"
Me: "Really?"
Man: "Oh, yeah. They are really strange here. They don't talk to men. There are a lot of Mormons here."
Me: "Oh, yeah. I have heard about the Mormons...."
Man: "Yeah, I use-ta-be one. You see the SUV with the sticker of all their kids...yeah that is how many kids they have. They are encouraged to have a lot of kids."
Me: "Oooohhhhh.....I have seen that. Its that right?"
Come to find out he doesn't talk to his kids any more. That is why he didn't have anywhere to go for the holiday. I don't know his whole story, but he seemed very down. He thought that Mormons were weird and different and he never knew that he was talking to a Mormon the whole time. Why didn't I tell him? Because I had met others that said, "I use-ta-be one" and they stopped talking. I wanted to see what the whole story was.
(on a side note to go with this one. My son started HS and on the first day he was sitting with a group of kids that were not Mormon and they said, "the Mormon girls won't talk to you unless your Mormon." It was matter of fact.)
Case #4
I met someone through my husband. She was really nice and just moved her from Vegas. She was fun to talk to and easily carried on a conversation. Then it turned to this: She has a friend that is not Mormon. Her friend moved to Spanish Fork, Utah and her kids were ostracized for not being Mormon. She then moved to American Fork, Utah and it isn't much different.
Girl: "Yeah, the Mormon men are traditional...they expect the woman to stay in the kitchen."
Me: (I had complained to her about my husband, so I really may have built her argument.) "Really...?"
Girl: "Yeah, they expect the woman to do everything. My friends husband just sits on the couch while she serves him. And (so and so) well...his wife rubs his feet when he gets home from work!"
Me: "Wow. Well, I guess I haven't said too much that can argue with that!" (BTW, I do not rub my husbands feet.)
Case #5
I went to get my massage, facial and manicure...that my son bought for me! The woman that did my nails was fun to talk to. She asked me what my son was doing after high school.
Me: "He'll go on a mission. Are you LDS (a Latter Day Saint/ Mormon)?"
Her: "Well...I use-ta-be one...I really don't go anymore. I married a non member."
Me: "Oh...why are there so many people is Utah that Use to be a Mormon?"
Her: Laugh "There are...I don't know? I just try to not be friends with any of them. I mean, I'll go once in a while. It's not bad. They just really are different?"
Me: "Yeah, the school here are a lot more clickish than other schools my kids have been to."
Her: "They shouldn't have a problem fitting in because they are Mormon." (insinuated that if they weren't they would have a problem.)
Me: "Not really. She actually doesn't hang out with any Mormons at school. She prefers the non-mormons."
Not that we don't go. I really have a strong testimony of the things they teach and the programs are
wonderful for the kids. There is nothing negative taught. I am suprised thought. Utah Mormons are a
lot more normal that I thought. (I mean it could have looked like FLDS! Nah, they have been great
so far. The only thing I hate is when you meet someone that is not LDS, they think you are trying to
convert them if you say HI!)
Her: "I joined when I was a kid. My neighbor use to take me to church all the time. My parent smoked and
drank. That was why I joined. But now my husband isn't a member sooo... we just don't go."
We had a great open and honest conversation. I go back to get my toes done in a couple of weeks!
Case #6
I am at the Chiropractors office in a massage chair room. Three women. One in her twenties. One in her forties. and ME.
Between Me and Woman #2
-We moved her not to long ago."
-where from?
-NJ
-Do you like it?
-Surprisingly, yes.
-well, if you don't like it at your two year mark, get out!
-yeah, okay.
-you won't have a problem as long as your Mormon
-yeah, is it that bad. I mean we are Mormon, but I still think the school are clicky. My daughter doesn't want to be friends with some groups that are stuck up and mostly Mormon.
-Oh yeah, it is that bad. My daughters have been bullied out of two schools. I'll tell ya, I'd move if I could but we've been here so long. I use to have lots of Mormon friend, then as soon as they heard lies about my daughters they just quite talking to me, just like that. And we had been friends forever and they always said, "no we wouldn't do that to you, we will always be your friend.." and then just like that. They won't even say hi to me.
Woman #1 chimes in:
- I am Mormon too. But the Utah Mormons are different. I am what you call a Minnesota Mormon. I imagine you (me) are a normal Mormon too because your from New Jersey. They are different.
Me: "I agree that there is that stereotypical Utah Mormon, but I would have to say my whole nieghborhood that is 50/50 is really great. Everyone is really nice.
( I am sure woman #2 is thinking : sure...because your Mormon.)
Look, there are a variety of people everywhere. But because you are a Mormon, you are expected to be nice. If you aren't it isn't because you had a bad day, or your still in your robe. It is because you are Mormon that you are not nice)
Case #7
This took place at my husband workplace. There are lots of Mormons and non-Mormon. Frankly, he has never worked with so many Mormons, so church conversation comes up more than usual. He and another Mormon were talking with a woman that was not a Mormon.
Woman: "Yeah, you Mormons tried to convert me the day I moved in!"
My Husbad: "What don't convert you mean?"
Other man: "Yeah?"
Woman: "They came over and helped me move in and we're all friendly."
My husband and other man: "So they were nice?" Doesn't mean they were converting you.
If your too nice, and your Mormon...then you are trying to convert them. If you are not nice enough, then you are ostracizing them. It sounds like a catch 22.
BTW Mormon's really aren't that bad. If you want to understand them more visit www.lds.org, or http://mormon.org/people
So, What do you think?
Why are there so many use-ta-bees?
Take note, Catholics just say I was raised catholic but I don't go? Everyone in Utah says, I use-to-be one?
And, are the younger Mormons in High School so snobby they bully kids?
I understand there are two sides to every story. Come on, tell my your story...
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